The Lesson I Learned

My essay sucked.

It took some major discomfort in class this morning for me to realize that. I can't necessarily speak for other students, but from me, thank you, Mrs. Cardona, for snapping me out of my haze. I thought my essay was fine. I knew it probably wasn't great, but neither were my others, and they got B's. But I was wrong. And after the blog post earlier today, I think I realize some of what went wrong (I'm pretty sure there were sentences specifically referring to me, even). I know I need to figure out how to fix it. I just don't know how yet.

I wish AP Comp was my only class. I wish I didn't have physics problems to do every night. I wish I didn't have a physics test to study for. I wish I didn't have a lab book to prepare. I wish I didn't have to do AP Government readings. I wish I didn't have to study for the FRQs. I wish I didn't have to practice any of my three instruments. I wish I didn't have a band concert tonight. I wish I didn't have a recital this thursday. I wish I didn't have a jazz band performance creeping up quickly. I wish I didn't have music lessons that expect major progress every week. I wish I didn't have college applications to do last weekend. I wish I didn't have to sleep.

I want to write a good essay, or at the very least I don't want to have written a crappy essay. I hate not meeting expectations. For as long as I could remember, the single thing that scared me most was getting in trouble. The fright has decreased as I've gotten older, but the guilt and disappointment are still there whenever I make someone unhappy. When the projector was turned on and showed the letter we had to write, I knew. It was a kick in the gut, a horrible way to start the day. But I have to say we, or at least I, deserved it.

I suppose the only explanation I can give is that I just had too many things. I wasn't able to give my essay the time it deserved as an essay, only the time it was allotted as homework. It didn't help that I had to completely change topics and start over after I had done the first draft and the peer conference.

The lesson I've learned from this, besides the obvious "my essay sucks", is that I simply can't do this many things at once. This whole semester has been proof of that for me. I wish I wasn't stuck in the middle of everything. But I am. I'll see what I can do.